Blurry Memories, New Resolutions
by Yenita
Summary: ...No one cares about me. No one acknowledges how hard I tried. Yet still, I am forced to carry on this false act of confidence and hope... Tenten's thoughts about her performance. Rated for swearing.


**Yeah!! Tenten is cool. Temari was probably one of the worst match-ups for Tenten. I guess this contains spoilers if you haven't read/seen the preliminary matches. Yes, "Temira" is Temari. Sorry if Temari's description upset you. Please don't forget to review!! I enjoy flames; they help me become better. If you have any problems with anything in this story, please tell me. I don't own Naruto (unfortunately).**

**31.3.07 Update: Hello! I changed the spacing because the previous spacing was kind of annoying. I also added some things, though I doubt that anyone would know what things.**

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Even though I couldn't see it, I heard about it.

I heard about Neji using attacks no one saw, but everyone heard, and how Hinata remained unwilling to let him tell her what to do.

I can just imagine what it must have looked like; seemingly calm, ashen eyes swirling with flashes of anger just beneath the surface staring into equally determined eyes of the same color, same pain, but different destiny.

I can clearly picture Hinata valiantly standing up to him, refusing to be guided by the restrictions placed upon her by those around her; it must have been one heck of a match.

Surely its only equal was Lee's match with Gaara. I didn't see that one either, but I sure as heck heard about it.

I can visualize specks of sand protectively hovering around a motionless redhead, the picture occasionally interrupted with brilliant bursts of green, a powerful contrast to the surrounding sand attempting to close in on it.

I can imagine Gaara's petite figure swathed in white bandages, Lee winching in pain as he feels the side effects of Secondary Lotus.

Lee's shocked expression as he realizes that Gaara was unharmed by his powerful attack appears in my mind almost as if I was there and had seen it.

Both Neji and Lee's matches easily come into my mind. Why is it that the one match that appears blurred as if seen through tears is my match?

Reality mingles with confused feelings and gives me only a vague idea of what happened, but I'm not even sure if that idea is true. Maybe it never really happened.

Maybe I just don't want to remember it.

Maybe I'm losing my mind.

No. I'm letting the lost, panicked, hopeless feelings get ahead of me, take control of me. Calm down, Tenten, calm down. Just think about what you can remember, ignore the blanks. Okay. What do I remember?

Ah, yes, the first part.

The first part is crystal-clear; I walked into the arena, confidence growing with every step. I faced my opponent, some slutty - looking - Sand - girl named Temira or something like that. I never bother to remember the target's name. If you remember their name and match it to their face, you will automatically associate them with each other.

You'll soon be referring to them with their name (inside your head) whenever you see them. By doing this, you are subconsciously establishing a person to person connection with them. If a situation arises that requires you to harm or kill that person, your person to person connection will hold you back.

Instead of attempting to sever those ties, it's far easier for them to have never existed in the first place.

After all, there is no point in destroying what isn't there.

Anyway, that freakin' bitch starts off taunting me in MY village, in front of MY team, while the Hokage carefully listens to each and every word she says in that annoying, cocky, I'm-too-good-for-you voice.

Saying I was pissed was an understatement; I was ready to grab her flippin' fan and jam it down her throat.

Trying my best to hide my newfound feelings of intense hatred, I pulled out four kunais and threw them, carefully aiming for her vital organs.

At this point, my memory begins to fade. It doesn't completely give out, it just fades. I remember her damn preppy - little smartass smirk, but when her mouth moves, no words come out. What happened next is a hazy picture of distorted events that I can't even begin to figure out.

I kind of remember using Twin Rising Dragons, but even that memory is muddled and vague, almost as if seem through a muddy river's reflection.

While I can't remember what happened, the emotions won't suppress themselves. Feelings of inferiority follow me everywhere, looming over me like a shadow I can't get rid of.

No one cares about me.

No one acknowledges how hard I tried.

Yet still, I am forced to carry on this false act of confidence and hope. I can't stop running or the emotions will suppress me and destroy me. I am on a team of elite ninjas; if I want to be able to keep up with Neji and Lee, I can't let these suppressed feelings of rage and imperfection take control of me; they must stay suppressed.

On this team of first-rate ninjas, a ninja that performs averagely seems to be pathetic compared to the rest of the team. I will not let that ninja be me; I will improve and eventually surpass Neji and Lee my own way.

When that time comes at last, I will shed this mask of unrealized dreams and broken ambitions and finally become myself.


End file.
